5 Love Languages – Your 5-Minute Instant Relationship Hack

6 Minutes Read

Image of love tic-tac-toe Do you know which of the 5 love languages is your language? Perhaps you have a favorite color, or brand of soda. Maybe there is a genre of music or movie you prefer. You may even have a brand of car that you are completely loyal to. If you have a choice, you pick what you prefer. Your partner has their own preferences. You likely know what some of them are. If you are making decisions that involve your partner, it’s a good idea to consider their preference.

For instance, if you are painting your home, you wouldn’t select a color that your partner hates. If you make a habit of ignoring your partners preferences you probably fight – a lot. The same concept applies if you are unfamiliar with your partners love language. You need this important piece of intel to understand how you both express and receive love.

orange heart with lettering have problems, click me to receive a love newsletter


Chapman’s 5 Love Languages

Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages is based on the same premise.

If you know your preferences and your partner’s preferences; it’s easier to get along and connect. Dr. Chapman has studied both anthropology and theology. He has spent years counseling couples and developed his love language theory. This relationship hack can instantly improve your connection with anyone in your life.

[bctt tweet=”The 5 love languages help to improve your connection with anyone in your life.”]


What Are The 5 Love Languages?

Words of Affirmation:

Spoken or written affection, praise, or appreciation.

Acts of Service:

Helpful actions such as washing the dishes or running an errand.

Receiving Gifts:

A thoughtful or meaningful item which symbolizes love and affection.

Quality Time:

Spending undivided or undistracted time together.

Physical Touch:

This can be hand holding, hugging and yes, sex.

What Is Your Love Language, What Is Your Partner’s?

I took the quiz and learned that my primary love language is quality time followed by acts of service.

While physical touch and words of affirmation were also relevant, receiving gifts scored a zero.

This is important to note because receiving gifts may be a blind spot for me. Meaning, if someone goes out of their way to select a thoughtful gift, I may not respond with the enthusiasm they were looking for.

I invited my hubby to take the quiz – it turns out we have nearly the exact same scores. That makes it pretty easy for us to be happy together, to successfully give and receive love.

But what if we didn’t?


How Can We Make Our Love Languages Work Together?

If your partner’s love language is physical touch and yours is acts of service, how can you bridge that gap?

By consciously prioritizing your partners preference. Remember, if your partner likes Coca Cola, you wouldn’t order them a Pepsi. Our human nature is to take the path of least resistance. We choose the thing that is easy.


If Your Partner’s Love Language Is Different Than Yours …

If your partner’s love language is different than yours, your relationship will require a little more effort. The good news is, your investment will pay off.

It is helpful to have at least a basic discussion. Something like, “Hey, I know you really feel loved when we have sex or hug; It’s important for me to show you I love you. I really feel loved when you wash the dishes. Would you be willing to say I love you with dish soap and a sponge?”

If you can make this type of agreement, with clarity, your connection will thrive.

Magically, chores become a form of love instead of a task that needs to be completed. Likewise, you can understand how devastating it would be to withhold sex (love) from your partner which creates a relationship problem because he or she feels rejected if their love language is physical touch.


How Can I Use My Personal Love Language to Meet My Own Needs if I’m Lonely, Empty or Sad?

There are times in life when we don’t feel love from others and start blaming them “You don’t love me” or “You don’t love me enough to do …”.

It may be that they don’t speak our language or that they are unavailable. In those times, to avoid conflict, it can be helpful to know and use your own love language. Using what you have learned about yourself, find a way to apply it even if your partner doesn’t.

Know and Use Your Own Love Language to Satisfy Your Needs

  • Prefer quality time? Pick a close friend or family member and make plans.
  • Crave acts of service? You may hire someone to do that extra task this week. Or, invite a friend and do it together.
  • Enjoy words of affirmation? Then listen to an inspirational podcast or a Louise Hay mediation would hit the spot.

You get the idea here. Get creative and fill your heart in the way you desire.

By doing this, you move from a victim mentality (poor me) to an empowered love machine!

[bctt tweet=”Move from a victim mentality to an empowered love machine.”]


5 Love Languages with Friends and Family

Surprise! Your children, parents, siblings and friends have their own love language also.

[bctt tweet=”Your children, parents, siblings and friends have their own love language.”]

If you keep this in mind, life gets easier.

  • Your children will be less needy if you speak their love language.
  • Friendships will blossom.
  • Family relationships will feel more fulfilling.

Keep in mind, you could be working harder than you need to!

If you are practicing the wrong love language with those closest to you, they may not be receiving your efforts.

You may not need to scour the town for the perfect gift. You may just write a loving message in a card or take them out to lunch. A slight adjustment in your approach to love will make a world of difference.

If you want clarification what your own love language is or you and your partner need help “speaking” each others, call me at my Boca Raton marriage, couples, family, or group counseling, or Key Largo therapy and marriage counseling office at (561) 221-5575 or fill out my on the house consult and we will find your win-win, through online counseling or in my Boca Raton or Key Largo pratice!

I will help you make changes one at a time. Long lasting improvements take practice. Don’t expect yourself or your partner to change overnight.


Do-It-Yourself Essential Elements of the
“How-to Be Happy” Checklist.

In it you will discover exactly which things you need to change if you want to feel happier and attract more loving relationships. Check it out and subscribe below!

drawn sun in yellow and blue, symbolizing the seven essential elements of a happy life checklist

Scroll to Top
Scroll to Top