As a partner and a psychotherapist I encounter relationship problems daily. Problems are a part of life . Since we cannot escape having problems, we need to be good at solving them.
The most frequent mistake I see people make is expecting the other person to change first. If you want to be an effective problem solver, you have to be willing to do your part. Once people start pointing fingers, problem solving grinds to a halt and damage ensues.
If you are arguing without resolution or explaining and defending, you have changes to make.
Here is a list of common problems I encounter in relationships. If you have been in a relationship, you have or will encounter these five problems.
Five Problems In A Relationship Most People Come Across
Respect
The way you think about and speak to your partner is crucial to resolving relationship problems.
So if you don’t respect your partner, it will damage your relationship (perhaps beyond repair).
If you are
- judgy,
- condescending,
- critical or
- harsh,
you are damaging your relationship.
Fixing this problem is the most powerful thing you can do to heal or maintain the health of your relationship.
Sex
Negotiating a fun and satisfying sex life is an ever evolving challenge.
Men and women experience sex in different ways. Sex drive, interests and comfortability with sex can vary in relationships.
I often observe men wanting to “grab ass” and flirt with their partners. Women often interpret this as pressure to have sex.
Inevitably, women reject their partners advance too many times and the flirting stops. Eventually the sex stops. The problem is everyone wants to feel desired but no one wants to feel obligated or rejected.
Open communication and willingness to compromise are critical to keeping your sex life alive.
There are times in a relationship when you will have less sex.
- Don’t let that become a habit.
- Do the work to feel sexy, show desire and have sex.
If you are too tired, busy or bored, take responsibility for what you are bringing to the bed!
Mistrust
Trust impacts so many areas of relationships.
Without trust, it is difficult to have honesty and vulnerability.
- Insecurity also thrives on mistrust.
- Mistrust leads to defensiveness, hostility and disconnection.
You may want to learn more about what YOU can do to improve trust in your relationship.
Your attitudes, beliefs and choices can be creating mistrust – even if you think your partner is the problem.
Family & Kids
The greatest problem couples have with family is knowing how to prioritize.
- In a partnership, the health of the couple has to come first.
- Family and children are second to the foundation of partnership.
I know this is not a wildly popular statement but it is true.
Your relationship will not survive if it is continually set aside for the needs of your kids or family. Couples who have babies before both people are ready have bigger problems after the birth of children.
Additionally, if you don’t respect and accept each others family you will have more problems.
Check your priorities. How does your list rank?
A suggestion would be something like this
- Self
- Spouse
- Children
- Family
- Work.
Sure, some variation will happen and not every list will look the same. The first three are pretty crucial. If you habitually de-prioritize 1-3, you have changes to make.
Money
One of you saves and one of you spends.
Or one of you worries and one of you doesn’t.
Perhaps one of you prefers buying things and the other likes to spend on experiences. No matter the difference, negotiating solutions is crucial here. In single earning households, it is critical for both partners to respect how much time and work it takes to sustain the household.
I frequently see non-working parents lose identity and empowerment by not having an engaged role in family finances.
If you need help with problem solving tools, I am here for you! Whether you are near or far, don’t hesitate to call me at (561) 221-5575 or to sign up for your on the house consult. Don’t forget I have offices in Boca Raton, Key Largo and Online!
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