You're not happy, and you want to know if what you are experiencing are legit signs of an unhealthy relationship. And it feels scary even to be researching this topic. Because typing the words into google and reading the results make it real. Too real. But something else is bothering you. You doubt yourself, and you feel a bit guilty. Explore the seven signs of unhealthy relationships below to overcome and create healthy relationships with the people around you that matter.
7 Signs of Unhealthy Relationships that Make Your Life Miserable
Well, let's talk unhealthy relationships and get to the bottom of it. Whatever the case, there is a solution for you. Keep tabs on how many signs apply to your relationship.
Sign #1: You Aren't a Team.
Your relationship doesn't feel like a team - ever.
You want to have a healthy relationship that consists of give and take, but you can't find a middle ground. You both complain that the other isn't doing enough. And you can't wrap your head around how that is possible. After all, you bust your ass to ignore the bad, focus on the good and keep this thing afloat. But it's sinking fast. And no matter what you try, you two can't get on the same page and you feel uncertain about your future as a couple.
Your motto could be "All for one and none for all."
To create a healthy relationship with your partner, think as a team.
Sign #2: Meanness is King.
You are mean to each other - even if you don't say it out loud, you think it.
You are critical, judgy, and blaming of one another. The tone of voice is edgy, hostile or flat. And on occasion, it ends up in name calling.
Sign #3: Your Partner is Your Enemy.
You are listening to defend yourself rather than listening to understand them.
This one turns into a nasty habit that is difficult to break. And the thought of allowing them to get away with how they view you is intolerable. So you argue to no end.
Sign #4: You Don't Feel Romantic.
Date nite is a thing of the past, and you're not creating quality time with each other.
Life is hard work and priorities are constantly shifting based on real-time needs. But you've stopped prioritizing time with just the two of you to reconnect.
Remember that scene from Armageddon where Bruce Willis insists on letting the guys go out on the town the night before the mission? He asked NASA officials, "What if they get up there and forget what they're fighting for?!"
Sign #5: You Don't Want Sex (With Him).
There is no sexual intimacy, and you are never in the mood.
Sign #6: You Don't Trust Him.
You have low trust and don't feel secure about your relationship with him.
A difficulty trusting isn't necessarily a reflection of your relationship however not being able to trust will damage a relationship anyway. Whether your struggle to trust was baggage your brought in or picked up along the way, it's blocking your ability to get close.
Sign #7: You (or He) Has Secrets.
There are secrets which may include cagy behavior about phone use.
Finally, I want you to think about your level of willingness to solve these problems.
Be honest with yourself here.
Is your willingness low or high? If you said high, I want you to consider if you are willing to funnel a considerable portion of your time and financial resources towards the solution. Also, are you willing to let your guard down and risk getting hurt...again?
And finally, are you willing to examine and adjust your beliefs and behavior to make it work? If you can't in good conscience say yes to these, your motivation is less than high. You also need to factor your partner's willingness. And they need to be able to answer the same questions. There is a big difference between what we say and what we mean.
So now what?
How to Repair Your Relationship
One of the most important things you can do is figure out if your relationship can be repaired.
If you checked 2-3 signs or less, there is a lot of reason to hope.
Especially if you and your partner's willingness is high. If you have 4 or more of these signs activated in your relationship, there is a considerable cause for concern and little reason to hope. If this is you, it may be time to consider divorce.
If by chance you have over half the list checked, but both of you honestly have a high willingness to make changes (not just in word but in deed) then take action quickly and don't look back.
Taking a Break to Create Romance and the Relationship You Really Want
If you find yourself in this situation and recognize the signs of unhealthy relationships in your marriage or as a couple, I highly recommend attending a couples retreat followed up with regular therapy sessions. Couples retreats are profoundly helpful for those needing a concentrated dose and also committed to making it work.
In the meantime, be sure to opt-in here for regular advice delivered to your inbox. It will help you keep your focus on healing while you are putting a plan into action.