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Are you always your true self? If not, you want to read this story about my mom and I. Mom; I know you are reading this. Take a deep breath and trust the process.
I recently took a trip with my mom and my tiny human. I knew this journey was going to be epic and help me to become my true self. I wasn’t sure if it would be epically awesome or epically disastrous. Mom and I haven’t traveled or spent more than a day together since I was in high school.
My Personal Story: Being My True Self through a 4-Day Getaway with My Mom …
Mom and I have a tumultuous past.
Which can be true for so many families.
The time of my divorce was particularly challenging for us. Let’s call it ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back’ in the course of our relationship. We ended up having zero contact for about a year. In that year, I got divorced, moved, quit my job and opened my private practice – all without speaking with mom.
Not by my choice.
She had her reasons for keeping her distance.
And in the end, it had its benefits. As she has since explained, she felt confident we would find our way back to each other.
I Want this Time to Be Different
So basically, our 4-day getaway, staying in the same hotel room was going to be an adventure.
- I knew I would need to make some commitments to myself.
- I desperately wanted this time to be different.
- I wanted to apply all that I have learned.
- I wanted to trust her.
- I wanted to get to know her and for her to get to know me.
I knew that this was all predicated upon me being faithful to me. Authentic in my expression while considerate of moms feelings and needs. (Nothing complicated there…LOL).
In the Past, I Was Dishonest about My Thoughts and Beliefs …
Historically, I would be dishonest about my thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors because I couldn’t tolerate her criticism.
Little did I know, I was approaching it all wrong.
Mom and I have a unique way of seeing things. Some similar and some drastically different.
My #1 Goal: Being My 100% True Self
Being my 100% true self with mom was my #1 goal.
Typically, this would create a sensation of panic.
Manipulating the Situation to Get Mom’s Approval
I have historically craved her approval above all else.
The crazy thing: I was manipulating the situation so she would approve a version of me that wasn’t even real.
I am sure you can relate – because we hate rejection and surreptitiously avoid it.
I Accomplished My Goal: I Stayed My True Self!
I am happy to report that I accomplished my goal!
We both worked together and compromised at times. But in the end, there were no hurt feelings or blowouts. While we didn’t always agree, we respected that about each other.
Why is this story important for each of you?
Because it highlights a sketchy human behavior that erodes our self-confidence and self-worth.
Exchanging your true self for an alternate version that pleases others.
[bctt tweet=”Don’t exchange who you are for an alternate version that pleases others.”]
How often do you agree with someone, lie about something or laugh when you don’t want to?
Staying true to self may mean acting in ways or expressing beliefs that other people may not like.
In essence, we have to get okay with rejection or not being liked.
But why? What do you stand to gain?!
Sure, you may risk rejection from others.
But, if you think of it, this sketchy behavior is a form of rejecting our true selves.
Feeling good about myself starts with my attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors towards myself.
- Self-acceptance leads to peace and confidence in yourself.
- Less racing thoughts. Less fear. Less judgment of yourself and others.
- More intimacy and connection with those around you.
- After all, what we learn to do within ourselves, we can also practice with other people.
See mom; we make a good team! But you already knew that 😉
“It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings
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