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What It Takes to Be Vulnerable in a Relationship

4 Minutes Read

Being vulnerable in a relationship brings out a couple's true essence. A couple who invests in individual and collaborative vulnerability is exponentially more likely to beat the odds. I recently spoke with Mike Allebach, a photographer from PA. He specializes in boudoir photography; a unique way to express vulnerability in a relationship! I was excited to connect with him because I believe he has something special to offer couples and relationships. He also has the great honor of witnessing and capturing vulnerability and connection in his work.

This isn't just because he captures couples who are willing to be physically intimate on camera.

No, it's much more than that.

To catch someones true essence on camera, the person has to be vulnerable; guard down, open to the experience.  Without vulnerability, we cannot reach a more profound connection; the type of connection that can sustain a relationship during hard times.

When times get tough, couples tend to rely on financial obligations, family dynamics, and social connections to maintain their bond. However, there are more ways to sustain your love.

Being Vulnerable in a Relationship: Is that the Type of Relationship You Want?

Are you looking for passion, understanding, security and unconditional love?

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If you aren't willing to unconditionally expose yourself to your partner, how can they unconditionally love you?

They don't know the extent of you. And, no one can force themselves in. If you aren't ready to experience every part of your partner; inside and out; they will struggle to feel accepted.

Mike Allebach shared part of his creative process with me. I was pleased to hear how thoughtfully and strategically he captures the essence of a couple on camera.

Mike interviews couples individually before the day of the shoot.

  • First, he asks them to share some favorite things about their partner.
  • Then, he wants to know about the heartwarming, juices flowing, love sustaining things each of them does.
  • He relayed to me that sometimes his clients may not even know their partner mentioned these highlights. A crinkle of the nose mid-laugh, a look in the eye when excited, a particular way they embrace or play with each other.
  • Then he captures these moments on film and offers them as art pieces to be shared forever.

This experience and way of vulnerably being together can be a relationship anchor.

Shared moments of vulnerability when the connection, love, and commitment is undeniable.

  • Do you have these moments?
  • Do you want these moments?
  • If they are missing, do you know when they left or where they went?
  • Do you have the courage to share yourself vulnerably with your partner?
  • If not, are you willing to forgo intimacy in your relationship?

If your marriage is stable, excellent, don't take that for granted.

  1. Keep investing in the core asset you have.
  2. Embrace vulnerability and say something your partner needs to hear even if it's "not your thing" to be overly verbal.
  3. Take a risk in the bedroom by talking about sex with your partner.
  4. Be daring and talk with your partner about feelings.
  5. And leave any expectations behind before the conversation. Vulnerability is about being unguarded, exposed and at risk for wounding.

Marriage pro tip: Be Kind

When your partner is vulnerable, be exceptionally kind, gentle and loving.

When your partner is raw, exposed and unguarded, it is not the time to be harsh, critical or insists on "being understood."

Marriage pro tip: Be patient

Every convo doesn't have to lead to a resolution.

Every problem doesn't need to be solved tonight. Being vulnerable in a relationship isn't easy. Consistent commitment and vulnerability will be the guideposts that lead you together through life.

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