Let's Get Real...
For The Couple That Wants To Stay Coupled ...
So many couples turn to marriage counseling as a last resort to save their marriage. Or what’s more, after they’ve already secretly made a decision to separate. They’re either going through the motions to say they’ve tried everything or they want help in uncoupling. Maybe you’re feeling disconnected.
Maybe you’re experiencing intense conflict and not speaking to each other. Perhaps you're suspecting an affair, or having an affair. Maybe you're feeling ignored. Or doing the ignoring. And maybe you’re not sexually satisfied because you’re unable to perform, or you’re not having sex at all. And you’re blaming the other person through it all, so you think maybe marriage counseling is our last shot.
But here’s the thing: Hail Marys aren’t for marriage. Hail Marys are for prayer and football.
If more couples sought therapy before these symptoms surfaced, before the marriage fell apart, even before they got married (yes, you read that right), the divorce rate would plummet.
If you haven't been doing the work that goes into a successful, enduring relationship before you’ve reached the point of desperation it doesn't have to be too late. This can be the perfect time to dig deep and truly grow with each other. I won't referee your relationship. I'll nudge you into healing through self-awareness and self-discovery.
Couldn’t we all use a little of that? In today’s climate mental wellbeing has become more and more a part of our societal and political culture and conversation. It’s more important than ever to embrace personal growth and remove the stigma surrounding it, open our minds to the possibilities and healing that comes with personal and relationship evolution.
On A Personal Note...
My view on marriage, love and acceptance.
I’ll never forget when I sat on my sofa after my divorce and had that oh-shit moment of when is my life going to start again? That debilitating realization that everything was different and the only sure thing moving forward was uncertainty. I was scared. And the idea and concept of marriage suddenly eluded me.
It wasn’t until I personally went through the process of learning and unlearning my own behaviors that were blocking me that I began to see marriage in a new light.
My second marriage has been incredible because it has oodles of acceptance and love. It’s exactly what the word marriage means: Two people collaborating. And that can mean a lot of things.
For some, it means a business arrangement; for others, it’s creating tiny humans; and for others still, it might be living a dream together. But marriage—the definition of it—is two things coming together.
I can honestly say I love my current collab. It’s intoxicating. And not because it’s what I would have historically considered perfect. My husband is agnostic, yet I’m deeply spiritual. He’s taken four college classes in his life, and I consider myself an academic. He had a unibrow until we got married, and I get botox. But there’s nothing that we wouldn’t do for each other. Well, he doesn’t like feet, so he would only really touch my feet in an emergency.
But we’re two people who have been to hell and back, separately and together and have developed a deep understanding of what it means to not sweat the small stuff. We’ve come to comprehend that life is so much more than the bullshit we tend to think it is.
In truth, it’s about living in gratitude and appreciation. His unending desire to love me well makes me want to love him well. And that just results in a continuous cycle of love and support, which is the best feeling in the world. I’m thankful every day that I stared back at uncertainty and faced it rather than succumbing to the fear.
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