Do I Stay or Do I Go? Facing Uncertainty in Relationships

Are you dealing with uncertainty in your relationship? I can relate. There was a time in my life where it seemed like I was constantly adjusting to something or impatiently awaiting clarity about my relationship status. 

Because of this, I wanted to understand more about how myself and others respond to the uncertainty in relationships. Figuring things out helps me cope with uncertainty and anxiety. I realized a refresher course on relationship uncertainty was going to make life easier!

Dealing with Uncertainty in Your Partnership, Your Family, Your Friendships or at Work

I began paying closer attention to my clients that were experiencing extreme uncertainty in their personal and business life.  I also reflected on times I have been unsure and listened more closely to loved ones who expressed feelings of uncertainty. What I heard was this: it's hard to know if it's better to stick it out or if it's time to move on. This confusion taps into 2 different concerns: 1. Fear of the unknown and 2. Self doubt.

Relying on What You Know

What I came up with was that when faced with doubt our brain relies on what it knows – whether this intel is reliable or not.

Your brain uses past experiences, beliefs, current information and sensory data and creates possible outcomes and makes predictions.

Looking for Relief During Change

This is all in an effort to relieve uncertainty in the midst of change.

It does this because uncertainty produces one of the highest levels of emotional discomfort.  The irony is that uncertainty also provides one of the greatest potentials for personal growth. 

Stretching Ourselves Beyond Our Borders

This is an opportunity to stretch ourselves and learn new behavior and create positive change.

Check yourself! In times of uncertainty do you predict negative or positive outcomes? 

Consider that a large portion of the intel we use to create probabilities is actually not reliable data.  It is often based on assumptions, mind-reading, unverified observations about other people, hearsay, etc.

3 Effective Ways Of Dealing with Uncertainty in Relationships

There are more effective ways of dealing with change and uncertainty …

#1  Identify Stressors

Identify the specific stressors and determine if there are any action steps that can be taken such as ask for help, organize, or create a backup plan

#2  Face Your Issues

Face your issue and communicate as clearly as possible.

This does not mean be confrontational, but it does mean stop avoiding the thing that is causing stress!  We often create a larger problem in our minds and once we face it and talk about it we realize it wasn’t quite as big as we anticipated or predicted

#3  Take Care of Yourself

Uncertainty produces stress, so self-care is key.  Know when you are at your limit and need a time out, a hug or to talk to someone! And, if you'd like to receive free advice about life, love, and relationships, be sure to opt-in to my newsletter! It's a convenient approach to add a little therapy into your life.