Absolutely no one anticipates divorce when they get married, and it can leave your head spinning when it happens; just as your life, family, and career were taking off. When you take a step back to assess the damage after your divorce, you may find yourself thinking, “I’m divorced at 30, now what?!” I can tell you, you’re not the first to have that reaction, but it will get easier! Read below for advice on taking your next steps.
5 Must-Do’s When You Are Divorced at 30
#1 Don’t Rush to Make Any Decisions
Once your divorce is final, and the dust begins to settle, don’t feel pressure to move in any particular direction. Divorce is isolating and messy, and disquieting to your very soul. But, it happened, and you can’t ignore that it did.
The reason I say this is because these awful feelings you’re experiencing can, understandably, make you want to move on as quickly as possible. And in doing so, the choices you make may not be the best because they’re stemming from some pretty raw emotion and panic.
Your Life Has Changed
Your life also has more elements to it than when you got married in your 20’s. Careers and financial situations may have changed, maybe you didn’t have kids before, or perhaps you moved far from home. Mainly, the decisions you make now are going to affect more aspects than before.
Don’t let this stress you out, though!
It’s just part of why you should take some time to consider everything before you make choices.
Stop, sit, and breathe. You’re 30.
There is no rush to make any decisions.
You are allowed to simply take in the terribleness for what it is and digest for a bit.
#2 Forget Your, and Everyone Else’s, Expectations
We tend to deeply root ourselves in our own, and sometimes society’s, expectations when married in our 20’s and 30’s. Having kids, a mortgage on the perfect house, going on memorable vacations, perfect holidays, and growing old with your partner are all universal norms and desires in marriage.
Your Path is Changing
Unfortunately, when a marriage fails, it can feel devastating because suddenly your life may not fit the path you laid out for yourself.
It’s time to change your outlook and get rid of those old notions. Your life has changed. Don’t try to salvage your old plans. Instead, make some new ones for the new journey you’re on!
#3 Don’t Rush to Date
When you get divorced at 30, the urge to begin dating ASAP can be intense. Dismay at the loss of momentum in your life, when you slammed into divorce, paired with loneliness, can be a strong driving force in the desire to date. However, these are unhealthy inspirations for making good choices.
Focus on You First
Try to focus on you outside of a marital partnership for a while.
Who are you as a single person?
What aspirations do you have?
What’s important to you at this point in your life?
Silly as it may sound, exclusively date yourself for a while! Take this Free Quiz now to see if you are ready to start dating again; or is it still too soon after your divorce?
Your relationship with Yourself is One of the Most Important Ones You’ll Ever Have
#4 Seek Outside Help
As human beings there can be a tendency to shrug off outside professional help when we need it the most. You can handle anything on your own, right? Wrong. Don’t restrict your recovery by limiting the resources you pull from. It’s a beautiful thing to confide in and vent to friends and family. They can provide invaluable support, comfort, and advice, and it’s often enough. Sometimes crying in the kitchen to mom and sipping on some soothing tea is all you need. But divorce is a big thing, and if you don’t deal with it correctly, it can become an all-consuming beast.
Reach Out to an Expert
Reaching out to an expert for guidance in navigating these unfamiliar waters is invaluable. You can gain powerful tools for progress and insight that come from someone with experience.
What events, actions, and emotions preceded the end of your marriage?
Exploring how you reached this point in your life, and uncovering what factors contributed to your divorce, is critical to growth and future success; otherwise, you’re headed for a repeat. Just as an attorney probably guided you through your divorce, a therapist can lead you to recovery.
#5 When You Are Divorced at 30, Your Life Won’t End. You’ll Be Okay
Above all, know that you are going to be okay.
Yes, things are going to be very different. Yes, you are moving forward without the person you thought you’d be with for life. Yes, you’re not going to feel 100% for a while. But don’t discount your resiliency to pain and adaptability to new situations.
Life is full of twists and turns, and divorce is but a bend in the road. Change is a part of living, and when we encounter problems, it’s how we respond to them that counts. When you are divorced at 30, the day you begin viewing your divorce as an opportunity for positive change is the day you can truly start to move forward. And to guide you on this journey, I will be releasing an online course very soon! Get on the list for all of the details and receive the news first, once it has been made available to the public. Meantime, you can also join the private Facebook Group I created to specifically help divorcees manage the day to day struggles and finally start enjoying their Life After Divorce.