Emotional And Physical Infidelity: How You Can Recover In Your Own Way

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bridge over a lake, symbolizing how to recover from emotional and physical infidelityAccording to the Associated Press, Journal of Marital and Family Therapy in 2015 57% of men and 54% of women admitted to committing infidelity in any relationship they have had. 41% is the number of marriages where one or both spouses admitted to infidelity, either physical or emotional.

These statistics are a strong motivator to better understand infidelity and how you can recover from it.

This is an issue that affects men and women, neither gender is the victim.

It is important to understand that when infidelity occurs in a relationship typically both parties hold some responsibility and both people need to recover in their own way.

What is Infidelity?

Infidelity can be a

  • physical encounter where there is direct physical intimacy outside of a monogamous relationship.
  • emotional, where one or both parties are engaging in emotional, intellectual or spiritual intimacy outside of the relationship.

I know this definition can be grey and leaves a lot open to interpretation.The idea of emotional infidelity can cause confusion, especially if you tend towards jealousy or insecurity in your relationship.

The most important thing to understand is that infidelity includes components of secrecy, betrayal and the exclusion of your partner. This can happen over social media, text, email, phone or in person.

Watch the video below to learn more about how you can recover from emotional and/or physical infidelity or scroll down to read the highlights.

The idea of emotional infidelity can cause confusion, especially if you tend towards jealousy or insecurity in your relationship.

The most important thing to understand is that infidelity includes components of secrecy, betrayal and the exclusion of your partner. This can happen over social media, text, email, phone or in person.

I want to focus on how to recover from infidelity. For that reason, I need to say that blame has no use or benefit here. To quote Brene Brown,

“Blame is defined in the research as a way to discharge pain and discomfort”.

If you are searching for a way to hurt your partner, a way to alleviate guilt or to escape your feelings of betrayal, If you are searching for a way to hurt your partner, a way to alleviate guilt or to escape your feelings of betrayal, blame will only prolong your hurt.

How does Infidelity Occur?

For infidelity to occur, there is a fundamental lack of integrity and honesty within the relationship.

  • There is likely an element of poor, mismatched or limited communication with one or both partners.
  • There is a guardedness or difficulty expressing vulnerability with one or both partners.
  • And, an element of ego or selfish gratification typically with both partners. WHAT?!? You are likely expressing shock at this point.

If you want to recover from infidelity, it is important to understand your role or you will find yourself stuck in an endless loop of unstable and unfaithful relationships.

Recovery from Infidelity

Recovery Tip #1 – Both Individuals Need to Evaluate their Willingness ..

to be open and honest in their relationships – even when it feels terrifying to do so.

Most people withhold details about their thoughts, feelings and behaviors because they are afraid. Afraid of rejection, disapproval, losing someone or something that they want to hold onto.

To be completely honest in a loving and compassionate way,
you must first have a sense of esteem, confidence and worth.

Many people search for their worth in the approval of others. To recover from infidelity and escape the cycle, it is necessary to discover and embrace your worth within yourself.

Recovery Tip #2 – Be Willing to Let Go of the Past

I am speaking of forgiveness as well as the willingness to move forward without rehearsing which parts of your life were “real” or “fraudulent”. The need to understand is a powerful sensation, however, we can never truly know another person’s mind.

This part requires acceptance and a refocusing on self. Focus on practicing things that are self-caring, positive and growth oriented. Keep in mind that forgiveness is not condoning anyone or anything.

Forgiveness is acceptance that the past cannot
and will not be different.

Recovery Tip #3 – Know When to Move On

If you and your partner are willing to work together and go to any lengths to improve your relationship, it’s typically worth it.

If you or your partner are resistant to growth or have demonstrated a pattern of making promises and not following through, it is time to reconsider if this relationship is capable of becoming stable.

Recovery Tip #4 – Allow Yourself Time To Heal

Growth and healing both take time, whether physical or emotional! Allow the process to unfold.

Practice managing your fear and insecurity. Surround yourself with growth opportunities and positive people.

Remember, no matter what happens, you will be OK!

I know this is a painful and complex topic. It is impossible to discuss the countless nuances in a blog post. This is a place to begin the journey of recovery. If you have find yourself in a relationship involving infidelity and need help, call me at (561) 221-5575 or fill out the form to request an on the house consult. This does not have to be a solo expedition.

 

 

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