Forgiving someone you hate is hard. Most people don’t enjoy the feeling of hatred. It’s an intense feeling and a burden to carry. Hatred usually develops following severe or repetitive perception of betrayal. These days, a lot of people express hatred towards members of government.
I am frequently asked about forgiveness. People usually feel it’s a beautiful idea, but don’t know how.
Forgiving Someone You Hate By Practicing Forgiveness
I want to teach you a specific exercise to practice forgiving someone you hate.
If you are having trouble forgiving, it may be because you are still actively invested in blaming.
- When you repeat blame statements in your mind, it makes it harder to move on, let go and forgive.
- Statements like, “you f*ed up” or “this is your fault”.
You need to become willing to stop blaming. Only then will forgiveness be available to you.
Blaming Others For Your Problems
When we blame others for our problems, we are asking them to fix our uncomfortable feelings for us.
Feelings like anger, fear, sadness or inadequacy don’t feel good. It’s common to point out someone else’s behavior and ask them to stop what they are doing so that I can feel better.
For example, “if you would stop ignoring me, I wouldn’t get mad”. This habit has to change in order to stop blaming and start forgiving.
How do you stop blaming?
You make a choice.
Perhaps look at the consequences of the behavior and decide that it’s not worth it. This is the same decision making process we use when deciding to change jobs or our diet. We decide that the benefits no longer outweigh the consequences and we make a choice to change.
Once you practice new habits, hatred gets smaller and happiness grows. The steps involved in forgiving someone you hate include:
- Identifying your root or underlying feeling
- Taking responsibility for managing your own feelings
- Letting go of blaming someone else
To learn the rest of the steps, watch this short video with helpful examples and suggestions.
Do you need help? Just reach out to me! Give me a call at (561) 221-5575 so I can help you!
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