Are you thinking about how to have more sex in your marriage? Let’s be honest here. How happy are you with your sex life? Are you having sex as often as you’d like? It’s okay to feel unhappy with the numbers.
Did you know that around 20% of married couples in the United States report only having sex monthly? Or even just a few times per year.
While those numbers are okay for some, they may not be okay for YOU.
Your sex “normal” is going to be way different than everyone else's. But do you even know what your “normal” is?
What is Normal?
Before you continue reading, determine if you’re happy with the amount of sex you and your partner are having.
Block out all outside influences in this - Cosmo does not have all the answers, nor does the internet. You and your partner’s baseline for how often is the right amount is going to be different than your friend’s baseline.
Or, are you unhappy with how often you’re intimate because you've read that it should be higher? Are you unhappy because of how reduced sex frequency is affecting other areas of your marriage?
Loss of Intimacy in Your Marriage
Sex is fun - there’s no denying that. But more importantly than the fun, is how it connects us to our partners and makes us feel about ourselves.
Sex has a significant influence on our lives - physically and emotionally.
But when you or your spouse’s sexual needs aren’t met, it can lead to an intimacy breakdown.
- When you’re intimate with your partner, it provides an opportunity for you both to feel connected and safe.
- When you don’t feel connected with your partner, it can lead to other problems in your marriage.
What leads to a sex breakdown in your marriage? It could be several things:
- busy careers,
- past affairs,
- personal issues -
- or a combination of all of them.
Sometimes, life gets in the way.
Let’s get you back on track with your spouse. Here’s how to fix it. Scroll down and read more about how to have more sex in your marriage.
5 Simple Ways on How to Have More Sex in Your Marriage
1. Talk and figure out together when it started.
Start here. Sexlessness in your marriage can be caused and influenced by so many different factors.
If you don’t take the time to investigate what started the decline, then you won’t know what problem to fix.
Sure, lack of sex is the main idea you’re trying to address; But, it’s a symptom, not the problem.
Think back to when you first began to notice the decrease and consider the following:
- Were either of you or a loved one, experiencing an illness?
- How was/is your financial health?
- What were stress levels like for you both?
- Did anyone lose their job, or experience an adverse event in their careers?
- Or were either of you grieving a loss?
- Is your marriage recovering from an affair?
- Had you just had a child?
- Have you been having difficulty conceiving? Or, are either of you not on board with having children?
- Does either of you suffer from depression or anxiety?
- Have you or your spouse had feelings of being undesired?
Were you able to identify a possibility? Great!
Remember, even if the problem has since resolved doesn’t mean it’s any less critical.
The problem or situation that led to decreased sex is still having an impact. Next, it’s time to chat with your spouse.
2. Speak to your partner.
Problems can’t be resolved unless you open up lines of communication. Your partner may not even realize there’s a problem unless you speak up!
Yes, you may have to tread some uncomfortable waters when you initiate the conversation. In the end, you’ll be glad you took that dive. Letting your partner know what’s bothering you, or asking what’s bothering them, is vital.
3. Be honest. Don’t judge.
While the topic you’re discussing may not be your idea of a fun time, treat this as an opportunity. An opportunity for what, you ask? Remember that loss of intimacy issue I mentioned earlier? This is the perfect time to work on that.
- When you’re speaking to your spouse about how you feel, allow yourself to be vulnerable.
- Open up to her or him about how you feel and how this change in your marriage affects you. This can open the door for your partner to let down their guard as well, and lead to a meaningful moment of connection.
- Remember not to judge your partner for what they’re saying, or how they’re feeling.
- Create a safe space for you both to speak openly and honestly. Both of your feelings are important and should be respected as such. Your spouse could be experiencing some upsetting emotions and need to feel heard.
4. Try new activities.
Now, for the fun part. Time to try something new! This doesn’t necessarily have to be sex-related. The important thing is to get out of your routine.
Try one (or all) of these:
- Plan a weekend away. This could be something as simple as picking up and driving to the hotel down the road. Just get away from the day-to-day for a bit!
- Plan a fun date. Try a cooking class together, or maybe check out that new bar downtown. Have fun and let loose.
- Take a day to just lay around in bed. Talk, laugh, watch movies, have sex! The dishes in the sink can wait.
5. Seek therapy.
Things change in life.
Your marriage is not exempt from this - but that’s not a bad thing!
Your relationship should grow and change right along with you. The problem that some couples run into is not knowing how to accommodate growth and change in their marriage.
Marriage Therapy is a tool to help with this.
When you seek treatment from an experienced professional, it can help you get down to the nitty-gritty.
Are you and your partner experiencing a sexual disrupt in your marriage? Are you seeking help on how to have more sex in your marriage? Let’s chat. You and your spouse don’t need to tackle this alone.
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