How to Heal from a Divorce You Didn’t Want

5 Minutes Read

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Sad lady looking at her wedding band after an unwanted divorceSo you got divorced. Are you wondering how to heal from a divorce you didn’t want? It sucked. More than anything. Ever. I mean “What The H*!!”. You spent the majority of your adult life trying to make this marriage thing work. You put up with crap you didn’t love, but it was worth it to you. Having a family, a person and a life together mattered to you. And then, you got the news.

It’s Over …

You aren’t good enough for them. They don’t love you unconditionally. You can’t fix it because they aren’t willing. You don’t get a choice because they. are. done. And the icing on the cake, perhaps they’ve been seeing someone else.

You didn’t want this divorce.

And you’re endlessly sad about it. You can’t find the bottom to your tears. Or your Anger. You can’t stem the flow of heartache. You are entirely in touch with the sensation of being out of control. Your life feels like you have no say in how it unfolds.

This doesn’t have to be your new normal.

Sure, life as you knew it has completely changed.

But, it doesn’t have to remain this way.

You don’t have to feel this shitty forever. The truth is there is nothing wrong with you.

Nothing is Wrong with You.

Sure, you have done some things wrong in the course of your relationship. But, that the idea that you aren’t “good enough” is complete BS.

Your self-esteem has taken an enormous hit, and you are having a hard time finding your balance.

How can you possibly recover from this?


I am going to walk you through 5 things on how to heal from a divorce you didn’t want.

#1: Refocus

It’s tempting to focus on the pain, the person who wounded you and all the problems that are inundating you.

The pain is so big, it holds most of your attention.

This is not a helpful strategy.

Focus on Yourself and Your Solutions.

To heal, you have to refocus on yourself and your solutions. Analyzing your ex will never bring you peace or joy.

So perhaps you’ve become an expert on narcissism, addiction or infidelity but now it’s time to become an expert on YOU.

This takes some practice and persistence. Facing ourselves does not always feel natural. It often comes with gobs of guilt and a sensation of overwhelm.

With some TLC and helpful guidance, you will become a pro at refocusing.

#2: Trust the Crisis

Trust the Crisis – You can’t undo it. So let’s embrace it.

What?!? Yes.

[bctt tweet="Trust the crisis. You can't undo it. Let's embrace it."]


Humans grow the most when faced with a crisis. But, only if you are willing to grow.

Stop Fighting – Start Moving Forward

So stop fighting this and accept that this crisis is going to launch you forward into better things.

#3: Love Yourself First.

You can’t heal if you are obsessing over how much you suck.

I know your ex’s critical nature and tendency to reject you is pretty convincing. Stop believing the lies.

You Are WorthyAnguished man after going through an unwanted divorce

Start separating out your ex’s voice from the truth of who you are.

You are a worthy human being.

You deserve as much love and compassion as anyone else. Start thinking of yourself and treating yourself as such.

#4: Pinpoint Your Roadblocks.

Pinpoint your roadblocks – We all have them.

They are blind spots that block our ability to move forward or to heal in a meaningful way.

If you learn what yours are, you can spot them and maneuver around them!

Things You Avoid

Some examples of roadblocks are things you avoid (they make you cringe, look away, feel overwhelmed or anxious).


Other roadblocks can be triggers – things that make you intensely angry or fearful. So much so, that you don’t think or act rationally when you experience them.


Another common roadblock is judgment. Judgment is the poison that feeds resentment and interrupts forgiveness. It is a way of thinking, believing and acting that divides people, closes hearts and blocks love.

Take a personal inventory of your roadblocks and then make a plan to resolve them!

#5: Allow Healing

Allow the healing – be willing to let go.

This is all about moving through the grief process.

[bctt tweet="Allow healing after a divorce and be willing to let go."]


It’s common to get stuck in grief and refuse to let go. We do this for many reasons – usually out of fear of the unknown.

Will I Be Loved Again?

You’re afraid you won’t be loved again. You’re afraid you can’t handle this. And, you’re afraid that life can’t get better. I assure you all of these fears are very common and also very irrational. And, it’s these fears that are holding you back from truly healing.

I can help you take your next step forward. Let me be your divorce recovery co-pilot. Join my private divorce recovery Facebook group where you can receive guidance and support. For some extra tlc from me, opt-in to my weekly newsletter where I send inspiration, advice and lots of love.

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