We are a culture of comparison. Comparing contributes to low self confidence. Rather than accepting ourselves and each other, we compete.
Better or worse, bigger or smaller, richer or poorer – the list goes on.
When we compare, we are demeaning ourselves. A little at a time. Without even realizing it.
[bctt tweet=”Comparison is the thief of joy. -Theodore Roosevelt.”]
We move through our days worried if we fit in. Our thoughts take on an obsessional nature, constantly scanning our environment.
- Am I normal?
- Am I pretty?
- Does she like me?
- Are my nipples normal?
I know this is true.
Bustle and Cosmopolitan have tackled these questions of “Is my vagina normal and are my nipples normal?”
The NPR Hidden Brain podcast titled “What Our Google Searches Reveal About Who We Really Are” reveals our deepest fears and questions about ourselves:
“When we have a question about something embarrassing or deeply personal, many of us don’t turn to a parent or a friend, but to our computers: We ask Google our questions. As millions of us look for answers to questions, or things to buy, or places to meet friends, our searches produce a map of our collective hopes, fears, and desires.” -NPR Hidden Brain
We search the problems in google. Where do we find the solutions?
In addition to educating ourselves, what can we DO about the fear that something is wrong with me?
“Low self-esteem is a thinking disorder in which an individual views him/herself as inadequate, unlovable, and/or incompetent. Once formed, this negative view permeates every thought, producing faulty assumptions and ongoing self-defeating behavior.”
Source: https://www.dosomething.org/us/facts/11-facts-about-teens-and-self-esteem
Learn how to recognize low self confidence. Start noticing when you are comparing or if you judge yourself and others harshly. When we are critical, it’s a red flag for low self confidence.
- Are your thoughts typically peaceful and kind?
- Or are they unkind and unrelenting?
Replace the negative thoughts with a positive attitude and belief. Over time, you will notice your self doubt ebbing away.
It is difficult to change a negative belief when you are inundated with reasons to doubt yourself.
Know what you are feeding your mind. You may not realize it but those snapchat filters are sending a subtle message. They are saying your skin isn’t smooth enough, you aren’t wearing enough makeup.
“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.” -Buddha
When I was in high school, my mom had a tendency to throw away my compact discs. She didn’t allow MTV and despised Tupac. Despite her attempts to protect me, I still listened. I still watched.
[bctt tweet=”She warned me: garbage in, garbage out – Mom.”]
I didn’t get it.
Perhaps a headstrong teenager is destined to learn the hard way.
Those song lyrics you’re listening to, they are reinforcing negative beliefs.
“If I can’t find the cure, I’ll
I’ll fix you with my love
No matter what you know, I’ll
I’ll fix you with my love
And if you say you’re okay
I’m gonna heal you anyway
Promise I’ll always be there
Promise I’ll be the cure (be the cure)” -Lady Gaga
Over and over again, you are hearing a message touting brokenness, demanding perfection and performance.
Even if you just love the killer hook, your mind is still hearing the message.
Love is born from a place of acceptance.
It begins inside and flows outward.
Unfortunately, I cannot fix you with my love. I can solve my own problems with self love.
I can share my love with you, but – it’s hard to do if I obsessively judge myself and others. Instead, I end up sharing platitudes, empty (or even worse), secretly jealous compliments. Kind deeds become attempts at being liked rather than heartfelt actions.
My intention is to unlearn low self confidence.
I want to practice self acceptance – daily.
It takes discipline and vigilance. I want to teach my daughter HOW to love herself. I want her to understand that judgement and comparison are born from low self confidence. When she secretly wonders if her nipples are normal I want her to find a confident response.
This means teaching by doing.
It’s one thing to have the conversation. It’s a whole different thing to lead by example.
For today, I will love my nipples and my fellow humans – and I will be at peace.
If you are struggling with low self confidence, call me at my Boca Raton marriage, couples, family, or group counseling, or Key Largo therapy and marriage counseling office at (561) 221-5575 or fill out my on the house consult and we will find your win-win, through online counseling or in my Boca Raton or Key Largo pratice!
I will help you make changes one at a time. Long lasting improvements take practice. Don’t expect yourself or your partner to change overnight.
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