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When did you stop believing in yourself? At some point, perhaps long, long ago, you decided that being yourself wasn’t good enough. Perhaps it was repeated rejection, a series of perceived failures or one massive crash and burn. Bottom line, the risk of vulnerability became too costly.
The judgment set in. So you developed behaviors to help you survive in the cruel world. You abandoned your true self in exchange for a version that was more reliable. An avatar who portrayed confidence and excellence.
Believing in Yourself Starts with Accepting the Real You
Except, there are things about you in which you don’t feel confident. Abilities you haven’t mastered.
And when you come face to face with these weaknesses, your avatar betrays you. Suddenly your fears and anxieties take charge. You fumble, feel out of control, exposed and red-faced.
[bctt tweet="Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it. ~Kahlil Gibran"]
I’m talking about your
- golf game,
- sex life,
- closing a deal,
- leading a project,
- artistic performance or
- public speaking.
You may struggle in experiences where the spotlight is on you, and you are expected to achieve a particular result.
It can be debilitating.
Completely consuming, robbing you of your ability to feel confident or enjoy yourself.
Self-Doubt Sets In …
For me, this form of self-doubt comes up when I speak publicly or create training videos.
I occasionally sense it when I begin working with new clients. When I’m creating or doing something that is subject to feeling exposed, judged or the possibility of failure.
There are more than a few things that contribute to performance anxiety.
I’ll walk you through some of them.
You lack acceptance of imperfection.
Your search for perfect outcomes supersedes the value of the process. You focus on the destination and miss the joy of the journey. Even though you believe in the value of mistakes, you would rather others make them.
It’s time for a radical mindset shift. Let go.
- Choose to take pride in your work, not just your outcomes.
- The work always comes with an element of messiness.
- Find laughter in the goofs.
- Doing this will also draw people to you.
- Your humanity will feel approachable and warm rather than untouchably intense.
Overthinking is rocket fuel for performance anxiety.
All those thoughts about fears, failures and who is watching are a total set up for flubbing it.
- Abandon all that mind chatter and exchange it for becoming present.
- Notice the little things.
- What kind of mood is the coffee barista in?
- How the sun feels on your face, the smell of the rain or the sensation of the water as it glides across your skin in the pool.
- What about the look in your partner’s eye or the symmetrical pattern of the carpet in the office.
- The feelings of your breath as it enters and leaves your body.
- Stop judging each of these things as good or bad. Just be curious.
- Observe.
- Notice.
- Slow everything down.
- There are a million tiny things throughout your day that you are missing. The moments where life is happening, and you are a prisoner of your avatar. Thinking constantly about producing and executing. Enough already.
- Take a deep breath.
- Connect with your body and relax.
Finally, you value your performance more than who you are.
And it’s messing with you. If you don’t genuinely like or appreciate your pure, vulnerable, messy self, you will struggle to find peace when facing a challenge.
Performances are meant to be both functional and entertaining. You don’t have to be perfect to accomplish either. Real life in all of its imperfect glory is fairly compelling on its own.
For some down and dirty assistance clearing your head and releasing anxiety, check out this video before you move on. Brad Yates has tons of these great videos that can help clear just about any uncomfortable feeling!
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